This is panic 3 - going out

Having done living with it and working with it, there's the other really important aspect of being alive; the social aspect.

Now I personally feel I've been lucky. If you take more than a cursory glance over stuff on the internet, anxiety and panic disorders can be coupled with agoraphobia (fear of being in a setting where there's no easy means of escape and wishing to stay in a safe place). Being agoraphobic means people won't leave the house as they won't feel safe away from where they are safest, i.e. their own home. There was a recent story on BBC News about a woman who left the house for the first time in close to 30 years. That's what agoraphobia can do to you.

I have never been scared to leave the house. People will talk about the fight or flight reflex, I generally flee. When I have panic attacks I generally struggle to sit still unless I am forced to sit down or if I am in control enough to do it. I will generally try and get to somewhere we I have a clear point of access to the fresh air which normally means going outside.

Also as you those of you who have know me...well more than 5 minutes will know, I am a social person who has always enjoyed getting out of the house and seeing people. Also, many of you will testify to me being a somewhat twitchy person who struggles to sit still...ergo how could I stay in the house for long periods at a time without going stir crazy?

However when I do go out I do suffer from my twitches that I've mentioned before. I am more susceptible when I am very tired, overheated or incredibly overstimulated which can happen in large crowd. In large crowds if my mind switches off from my issues then I am fine. Case in point; Wembley, 80,000 people for the NFL game and I was fine. Compare that with me being in the cinema watching "The Wrestler" and the sight of Mickey Rourke's character having his heart attack caused me to have a very minor attack of my own.

When I am in town doing some shopping I am generally alright for the most part. Southampton is actually a relatively spacious town centre with no cars due to its pedestrianized nature and there's a park nearby. If I ever do get very twitchy there are many ways for me to escape the crowd and get a moment to myself.

Going out at night though has never been much of an issue for me for some reason. I think maybe it's because when you go out to a pub or club or wherever you reading this hangs out at night, you expect different things. You expect noise and crowds and heat so I think I've been able to adapt to it. The one thing that happens to me normally if I do get twitchy and I've had alcohol is I will burp...a lot. This actually happened a week or so ago (though it was coupled with me being very tired and having eaten a delicious but hard to digest dinner) and it was so bad that I was awake till 4am because I couldn't stop burping. Even if it's just a case of reflux (I've had stomach issues in the past that have been coupled to my anxiety sometimes, other times not) to be burping for close to 4 hours will make anyone anxious.

A lot of people who know about my condition do know how to handle me if we are out. A good friend of mine is a very talented qualified nurse knows what to do with me and taught me a few techniques as to what to do with myself. For example, you can't hyperventilate and laugh. So if you see me sitting down somewhere sucking out of a paper bag, tell me a joke.

The struggle goes on and please don't take it personally if I have an attack around you or while talking to you. If you really want to help, just remember, this will all pass with time. I'll get there. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go out somewhere.